just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
