a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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