I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
