Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
