I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
