woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
