she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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