ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
