Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i believe in u and ur pee
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