Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
