Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
