Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize