Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
