if i can run in heels then i can drive
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
