Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
