Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
