i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
They took my balls.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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