he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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