i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
