I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
