I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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