my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I am one with the molecules
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize