i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i think i just lost a toe
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
