Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
