I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
