I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
