idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize