I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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