Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
