Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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