I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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