Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
