I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
