you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
