if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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