I'm laying in your front yard are you home
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
