I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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