you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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