Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
