so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
