the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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