Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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