Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
