you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
