I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
