I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
