i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
