How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
