I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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