Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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