You just made me feel so damn special
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
