I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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