No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
