12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize