May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
