I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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