Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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