I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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