u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
