just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
