I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
