you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
