Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
