Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
