Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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