her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
