I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
