I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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