dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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