I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
