Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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