you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
