we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
