Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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