So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
