I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
