Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Two words: blizzard sex
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
