I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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