Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize