we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
