Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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