I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
