there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize