420 ftw
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think I have vodka in my lungs
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
